Grown Ups Talking

Look at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L68aKVAzwQ4 and check out a very silly sketch from MadTV. It features the Mac iPad, a computer driven sanitary pad with “vaginal firewall protection".

Fast-forward 5 years and yesterday Steve Jobs announced the launch of the Mac iPad, “Our most advanced technology in a magical and revolutionary product at an unbelievable price.” It’s a computer that’s a book reader and a gigantic ipod that you can twiddle around with and do a bunch of things.

But that’s not the point. What were they thinking? If you watch the MadTV piss-take you see the gals plug-in in their iPads (not a salubrious sight) and dance around in silhouette with their iPads strapped on.

Silly executives, they had no women in the room when they came up with that Stupid Name.

So what else is new? We are starting off the second decade of the new century and the women are still almost never in the room for this part of the discussion. Ads, books, movies, every day culture still weighs heavily towards aiming at men.

Take American Pie, or Superbad, or Youth in Revolt, or anything by Seth Rogen or Ben Stiller. They are all a guy’s eye view of life. Hollywood’s version of a movie from a women’s point of view is Sex in the City. Which I quite liked. But while shoes are nice, they are not exactly worthy of a religion.

The point is, sexism is alive and well and creating our culture. Ideas, strategies, and creativity, are largely the purview of men, who are usually white (see The Obama Campaign Team). Somebody needs to remind them that women buy and vote and watch things too. Ahem, over half the population?

So watch iPad on YouTube and have a giggle. And maybe this will convince the powers that be that celebrating diversity is not only humane, but actually good for the economy. What better argument can there be in this great country of ours?—Pomerol

Geneticist Aubrey de Grey was on the radio the other day. He thinks that extending humans’ lifespan as far as 1,000 years is a good idea.

The slipper and I discussed this possibility. What would it mean?

I suppose you could have many generations of children, quarter of a century after a quarter of a century. Or you could reproduce early, ish, say at age 120, after you were thoroughly bored with sex, drugs and rock and roll. Then you would be mature enough to bring up a perfect set of children, and even have time to do again if you screwed it up the first time (actually this is starting to happen. I know a guy in his 60s who is already on his third set).

But then what? Even if you gave it several solid tries, you would still have around eight centuries to go. And even after decades of effort you probably would not be smart/talented/lucky enough to invent flying cars, or get the paying public to wade through your sonnets.

So we figured that this new step forward in the development of humankind would result in an explosion of leisure time activities. In other words, the finest scientific and medical minds on earth would devote years of research and stupendous amounts of money to create the greatest golf-playing race in the galaxy.

Progress. You gotta love it.—Pomerol

The only way men will ever get sex is by giving women highly refined minerals.

Evolution has spoken.

Or at least the advertising community has spoken.

I’m probably the only woman in America to admit this, but I’m happy to wear cheap jewelry. If the slipper blew thousands of dollars on jewels, I’d just wonder why he didn’t use the money to pay down the mortgage.

On the rare occasions that I wear expensive stuff, I spend the whole time petrified that I will lose it. Or someone will steal it.

I inherited some diamonds from a relative, I haven’t looked at them in years. I worry so much about hiding them that I actually forget where they are.

Where does this perception that you are only a real woman if you get a man to buy you expensive stuff come from? It’s a kind of insanity. And though I am not always the most sympathetic to men’s situations, it’s not fair. Especially these days when the kind of middle class gal that seems to expect this kind of treatment probably makes as much if not more money than the sap who is supposed to pay off the price of last year’s present by next year.

If you have to prove to your neighbors that your husband loves you by wearing the really over the top stuff, he’s probably screwing his secretary anyway.

Merry Christmas, or which-ever-religeous-or-secular-excuse-you-give-at-this- time-of-year-for-giving-each-other-presents-. —Pomerol